Eff you Daniel Craig.

A couple at the bar asked me what I thought of Danny Craig’s version of James Bond, which, and this is my official stance, I believe him to be the best Bond not named Connery.  Then we discussed the “Bourne Effect” on the new Bonds (continuity of story, Indie directors), the success of Casino Royale and poker and finally, the big question, how tall is Daniel Craig?  Apparently a bet was on between the couple and I in my typical swarm thick confidence was “in the high 90’s percent sure” that Daniel was at least 6’2.

The images immediately flashing through my head were of a giant rising from the water in powder blue trunks.  He is diving under moving trucks and shooting one eyed ex Russian mobsters with the grace of an anime ninja.  There’s no way a mere human barely able work himself up to 20 push-ups, could stand next to such a Bond and not feel like his penis was nothing but a scrap piece of foam tubing.  I even got in on the bet and put up the alcohol that displayed itself behind me.  This was a sure thing.


Earlier this week i was watching a movie called Archangel featuring Mssr Craig as some what of an intellectual and he looked puny.  Almost demure.  Then it hit me.  Against others he’s always seemed a bit runty. He did look kind of small in Road to Perdition next to Hanks and Newman, Elizabeth against the towering costumes, and even in Layer Cake where his cold blue eyes shrunk him against the grunts of brutish gangsters. But all I could see was Bond.

Movie magic, you have made a fool of me again.


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