Role Models: Movie or the sock shaped newspaper wrapped gift.

Not seeing the movie you came for is like having two Grandmothers (if your Grandmothers battled to the death over your love I’m truly sorry about mocking such deep seated pain). There’s the cool Grandma and the weirdly out of touch, ribbon candy Grandmother. And at Christmas, you can’t wait to get the Castle Greyskull you asked for from cool Grandma, but she’s caught in a snowstorm so all you have left is ribbon candy Grandma and her present. The whole time you’re unwrapping and politely thanking her RCG (Ribbon Candy Grandma), you’re really thinking about Castle Greyskull and how cool it’s gonna be, but for now you’re stuck with used books that library put out in a box marked FREE.

FREE!

FREE!

I had two movies in mind this weekend for the Tierney Family Quarterly Movie Night: the new Charlie Kaufman opus/mindfuck Synecdoche, New York (which I’ve been pronouncing Sign-douche) or the new Bond flick with that dreamy Danny Craig. But like cool Grandma on Christmas, it was not to be.

Spatially, Sign-douche was playing about 20 blocks away and my lady had just gotten off her ten hour shift of nether regional waxing so that was out. Temporally, Quantum of Solace (because Definite Amounts of Consolation is an unmade Woody Allen joint?) was sold out for the next three hours. Thankfully there were two Elizabeth Banks movies left to choose from (she’s bad ass as the new M). There was Zack & Miri Make a Porno, but I’m kinda down on Kevin Smith right now (see my recent rereview of Mallrats). So we settled for Role Models. (In the previous analogy, this would be if ribbon candy Grannie had an stroke and you had to pick between the pencils from Great Aunt Crazy Pantie’s junk drawer or whatever sock shaped item is wrapped in this morning’s newspaper.)

This is the ugliest picture of Elizabeth Banks I could find.

This is the ugliest picture of Elizabeth Banks I could find.

I was admittedly unpumped. Just seeing Paul Rudd and Sean William Scott bored me. There was hope. RottenTomatoes had heard good things (75%) but I couldn’t wrap my mind around how even David Wain was going to take an obviously formulatic movie about grown men finding maturity though caring for a child without just letting his love for spontaneous dildos rise and kill the movie (youtube the Stella shorts, no the TV show, to see what I mean). It turns out that’s another formula you can use in these situations: black kids swearing are HILARIOUS.

Bobb’e J. Thompson is funnier then Travolta attempting an accent. Rudd and Scott’s swearing exceded my expectations. McLovin (no one will ever remember your real name) is the Hollywood’s greatest workin’ nerd since Keith Carridine and taught me a new way to say vagina. Of course the movie is littered with exStatesmen but scenes are routinely stolen by the likes of Ken Jeong as the King of McLovin’s Medieval capture the flag group and Matt Walsh has his protector (one of the best lines comes from Matt when he’s “slain” by Rudd after an intense fake battle and then immediately pops back up and says, “Fun right? Send me your e-mail we always need people.”

The star of the show is the incredible Jane Lynch. Sometimes you just wonder when someone will write a movie just for her. I won’t ruin it for you but there are fewer people out there funnier with bagel dogs and cocaine.

So to finish this analogy, it turns out crazy Great Aunt ate all the ribbon candy and that sock shaped package had the G.I.Joe aircraft carrier inside it because she thought it was educational.

The ultimate sock shaped present.

The ultimate sock shaped present.

Advertisements

One Response to “Role Models: Movie or the sock shaped newspaper wrapped gift.”

  1. R u fucking manic?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: