I’m still OK with Indy. Don’t hurt me.

I am a traitor to my generation. I thought Reality Bites sucked. I know Nirvana would be nothing but a punchline if Kurt hadn’t blown his head off (Courtney’s taken the punchline reigns nicely). And I never once masterbated to Cindy Crawford, I think. But what I’m about to tell you may be generational high treason. For this, I expect to flogged and stripped of my right to make “Knowing is half the battle” references.

Ethan ruined so much.

Ethan ruined so much.

(Pausing and taking a deep breath for effect.)

I didn’t hate the last Indiana Jones.

Now in my defense, I wasn’t even going to see it until about a month ago. The glimmer of hope that it wouldn’t suck was extinguished the night after it opened. Two very reliable bartenders told me that it was the worst piece of shit ever smeared on celluloid. (I’m paraphrasing for the kids.)

To keep it from my Netflix queue all I needed was the cut paper opinions of Matt Stone and Trey Parker. Surely, I would not condone the rape of Indiana Jones could I? (I won’t be seeing Irreversible either.)

Then about a month ago, I was in the back room of a local get together when I overheard an expressive conversation between two friends of mine. It was not only about Indiana Jones 4 but one of them was actually defending the movie. She was a lonely voice in a crowded bar of negativity and deep down inside I still wanted Indy to be good. Deep down, I was still hoping it was good.

When it came about a week later, I began to feel like I was cheating on someone. Sitting there encoded in laserspeak on a disc inside a white envelope that was inside a red envelope that was cautiously placed on the edge of my TV. After about three days, I watched it. And I enjoyed myself. DAMN ME TO HELL.

I am in no way saying it stands up to the rest of the trilogy but I really think that this was the best they could do. Aliens you say. Were aliens anymore more ridiculous then the 500 year old Templar Knight waving good bye after giving up the Holy Grail? The face melting of the Ark of the Covenant? Shankara Stones to melt your hand when you shout at it (like the toaster on Ghostbusters 2)?

Now available on Ebay.

Now available on Ebay.

It had the epic sweeping feel of the cliffhanger serials that the original movies were meant to emulate. There were killer ants, terrible Commies (subbing for the Nazis) odd ancient burial sites that needed to be explored on hands and knees through cobwebs. Hell I even liked Shia Lebouf. (OK the surviving the atom bomb test was a little much.)

The movie had only two major flaws. A) Cate Blancett was terrible. I, like many, thought this was going to be the opposite. Unfortunately she came off more like a Natasha who couldn’t remember what her accent was supposed to be. But the biggest crime this movie committed was it was at least 10 years too late. This movie has been rejecting scripts since the early 90’s. If Steve hadn’t been about World War II and George been about tinkering with Star Wars (and you know our childhood), we may have seen the fedora and bull whip in say 97. Once we passed into the new century, much like the recently released Chinese Democracy, news of the movie became like a myth.

But really it was more like the Police Reunion. Everyone knows that it was more about the money then anything, but there’s was too much to make up for. First is the age of the principals, Harrison is grizzly and Karen Allen looks withered, Marcus Brody is dead (put his statue and paintings get a lot of face time) and worst of all they missed the retirement window on Sean Connery.

And what no room for Sala?

And what no room for Sala?

Also, time had forced them into the less interesting 50’s. Because of the myth factor, filmmakers felt they had to be self referential and depreciating. Sort of a wink to the audience to say, yeah I know it’s been while, our bad.

But after all that, I still love Indy. I know they really want to pass the torch to Shia. But like his fictional pop as he gets older, Harrison Ford’s smug look gets that much more likable. If they do a number five, I’ll go see it in the theater this time. I’m sure the generational police will take away Spiderman and his Amazing Friends off my Youtube feed.

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One Response to “I’m still OK with Indy. Don’t hurt me.”

  1. I’m with you, mon frere. I feel the same way. I guess I’ve been ashamed to admit it, until you echoed my feelings on the newest Indy film. After resisting the urge to see it in the theater (everyone I know tore it apart) , I broke down and rented it… and I actually enjoyed it. I have to disagree with your opinion on Cate Blanchett’s performance, though. She’s easily the greatest and most versatile actress of her generation. She can do no wrong.

    And I agree 100% that Reality Bites sucked. That movie is terrible and so incredibly overrated.

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