Q+A: TGIF Theme Songs

Family matters house

Q: Whenever I try to sing the “Family Matters” theme song, I dive into the “Full House” theme. I have a sneaking suspicion that they are the same song. Is this true?


A: Dear Justin,

Of course it’s true. It is also true that while in the womb, your mother smoked Czechoslovakian hashish filtered through dryer sheets. Of course a major network would put two of its cross cultural cash cows back to back on a Friday night and give them the same theme song. Brilliant you shitbag. You are the next Ben Silverman. Go up to NBC and rip the seat out from under him. So his ass makes that splotch sound when its hits the ground.

But seriously, there is no Nobel Prize for how wrong you are. They are not the same song but if it makes you left labia hurt less, the same person wrote both “As Days Go By” and “Everywhere You Look.” Jesse Frederick is just not very original with his arrangements. In fact, he is probably the quintessential failed musician who ends up doing a couple jingles and living off that for the rest of his life, hates himself and has to hang pictures of Dave Coulier and Urkel up in his apartment. And just in case you start singing the Perfect Strangers or Step By Step theme song, Jesse wrote those too. Bronson Pinchot and Patrick Duffy are probably hangin at his apt as well. But more like on the basement staircase, where he descends to do squat thrusts in to his dogs jowls.




Now here’s a game: Can you tell which Fredrick piece ends where?

It’s a rare condition, this day and age,
to read any good news on the newspaper page.
Love and tradition of the grand design,
some people say it’s even harder to find.

Well then there must be some magic clue inside these tearful walls
Cause all I see is a tower of dreams
real love burstin’ out of every seam.

As days go by,
we’re gonna fill our house with happiness.
The moon may cry,
we’re gonna smother the blues with tenderness.

When days go by,
there’s room for you,
room for me,
for gentle hearts an opportunity.

As days go by,
it’s the bigger love of the family.

What ever happened to predictibility?
The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV.

Everywhere you look , everywhere you go (there’s a heart).
There’s a heart
A hand to hold onto.

Everywhere you look , everywhere you go.
There’s a face
Of somebody who needs you.

Eveywhere you look,
When you’re lost out there and you’re all alone,
A light is waiting to carry you home,
Everywhere you look.
Everywhere you look.

It's like looking into compromise's past.

It's like looking into compromise's past.


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